Monday, July 13, 2009

Not sure...

Okay so i'm not sure where i'm going with this post. I've been working on this Wingz series since November i think. Hoping that doing an artshow will really get me out of this situation i'm in right now. 8 months later and after switching from different venues, its actually not gonna happen. I've been sitting looking at a blank wall for i think 2 hours. I've been angry, i've been depressed, i've laughed feeling like i've gone actually Mad lol. There's just so many things running through my head, all those people with positive comments about what i'm doing all this for. My mother's trust, hoping that i can finally make it. I felt like i'm really stretching this whole thing a little too thin and i feel like a fraud. I hate feeling like an emo because there's always a way out. But when getting such a news where there's really nothing you can do. I really don't know what to say, its like i can't have any freebies at all. Even if i've gone through hell and back, i still should have known better. I'm not suicidal but i've definitely thought of killing my art. Just completely stopping it forever and never speak of it again. It's easy, I cancel my web hosting, I sell all my computer stuff, burn all my paper. Just live a normal life... It's tempting, but no. Even if i want to i'm bound by all this paper and ink. Well as of right now i'm gonna continue with OLA, and wait for that to fail. And then everyone will look at me in shame...

I played "Prototype" for 10 minutes, but instead of doing the missions i just ran around killing anything i saw in the most brutal way. And that my friends is what video games are for. lol

I'm sorry for pouring a stupid blog like this, but this is just something i need to get off my chest because its just a thing boiling in me right now. I guess you can call it a cry for help, but dont' worry you can just dismiss this post lol. So you dont' have to take everything i said seriously, i'm just really messed up right now.

i will be my up beat self again in no time,i just need to figure out what to do now.
Again i'm sorry folks! PEACE AND LUUUUUUUVVV!!!

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