The older I get the more things I have to leave behind. The one thing I love about this blog is that I can be very open and honest here. I used to leave it all in this blog, I actually had some conflicts with my friends because I talked about them here for awhile (without using their names of course), but they knew I was talking about them. That was like 10 years ago hehe, and I wanted to make sure I don't insult my friends.
Going through things in life I just realize how messed up my way of living is. I do everything through my goal of being happy. Happiness means many things, but it also culminates to just one. My goal for happiness has always been a shadow. I can represent this face to make people happy, but it's because I know that smiles are infectious and it helps other people smile too. Making people feel good is something I always try to do. When it works, it works well, but when I fail, I fail, bad. Life teaches you that, failure, a lot. I try so hard that I'm left with nothing, instead of pouring it slowly I dump it all at once. Then nothing is left, not even little pieces to pick up.
But there is one thing, the one thing i'm always left with when its all gone. I can sit down, face my table, and attack the paper to create something that makes me content. But I will be very completely honest. It doesn't make me happy, well not enough at least. My goals are absolutely insane, they're huge, like mountains. But the end goal is simple to find and keep happiness. Every goal I have puts me closer to that ultimate goal, and when you get to where I'm at right now, that's all you need, happiness. I messed up, i messed up big, and i needed to release it, i am ultimately a broken person piecing myself together, but eventually realizing, i have a lot of missing pieces and cannot be fully fixed. But at least i found out now, instead of 50 or something.
I have been doing a lot of artwork and also making books. So I combined both! I've been finishing up 1 new piece for this Artbook I have been working on for years, and it all poured in my head in one night. Very excited to finish the last piece and to finally put out a book I will sell and even bind! I am hoping to plan out an Art show but I have never done one on my own. I have lots of plans for it, but i feel like it needs to be absolutely insane. I guess it will take me a year to get all of it together. At least i still have my game company that's really pushing ahead.
The game company is the main reason why i have not been blogging at all. It has pushed me to work harder and do what I said i would do. This will be the lowest i will go in terms of motivation and i hope that i can do better next time. I will report good artwork and show you guys more stuff. Peace and Luv!
Please check out my new games in FMS-Games